@KenJennings: Parenting is all about wanting to say, "No one cares, honey" 100x a day AND NEVER DOING IT.
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@realHamOnWry: After I die I want the words, 'Wow, this place is twice as big as my old apartment' engraved on my urn.
@Matt_The_1st: Sorry I didn't reply to your text, I just couldn't find a response that would keep you from sending another
@KalvinMacleod: [pet therapy] THERAPIST: ok slow ME: *pets 2 dogs* T: just 1 M: *pets 3 dogs* T: Nurse, restrain him, he’s M: *pets 4 dogs* T: roverdosing
@BigPlanetEarth: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "sorry for the damage." Film reactions. Profit.