@KenJennings: Parenting is all about wanting to say, "No one cares, honey" 100x a day AND NEVER DOING IT.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@HomeProbably: I've just text my new girlfriend that I'm into all sorts of douchebaggery. Autocorrect clearly has a different idea on what debauchery is.
@SuperDadish: Conversations get real after midnight. 11:59 pm - "I love ramen noodles" 12:01am - "I feel like I can trust you. I killed a man once"
@DurtMcHurtt: Playing dodgeball with kids is harder than it looks cause you have to throw them with both hands.