@KenJennings: Parenting is all about wanting to say, "No one cares, honey" 100x a day AND NEVER DOING IT.
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@AnOrangeSNES: Was your teacher drunk when he made your multiple choice test? 1) Yes Δ) No %) I love you guys M) 8 •) Potato
@Brampersandon_: [Infomercial] HOST: Wanna learn how to lose up to 15 pounds with one simple trick?!? AUDIENCE: Yes! HOST: Here's how! *rips off his own arm*
@jazmasta: [kids party] "This bouncy castle is twice the price of last year" Dad no "That's.." Please no dad "..Inflation for you" *kids start crying*