@Adam14: Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You're welcome.
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@seamussaid: Commander: ARCHERS READY Archer: (to guy next to him) dude tbh I was zoned out wtf we supposed to be shooting at
@uccjeb: Just saw 666 on a license plate and, in case you guys were wondering, Satan drives a Jeep.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: all the King's horses and men couldn't put u back together HUMPTY DUMPTY: what now M: [opening package of bacon] I'll think of something
@2tickytacky: Lemon is supposedly a good diuretic. I ate a quart of lemon pudding and nothing is happening.