@XplodingUnicorn: When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?"

When I do her hair: "How about a hat?"

@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls.

She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg.

Surgery didn't go well.

@Mr_Kapowski: 8 year old daughter: I wish I had been born a twin

Me: You were a very hungry fetus-

Wife: Ok that's enough time with Dad for today

@briancthayer: Kids, eat your vegetables.

*reluctantly, they eat*

[2 hrs later]

*I eavesdrop on their convo*

Daughter: Unionizing will help us bargain.

@KentWGraham: My two teenagers are very different. My son always wants money, whereas my daughter prefers the convenience of my credit card.

@AndyAsAdjective: Finding out how big of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan I truly am was understandably pretty tough for my daughters, Raphael & Leonardo.

@est1975blog: I never knew my son was 80 years old until he told me to text our neighbor because "his leaves are getting on our lawn."

@awescar: *rips finished page from adult coloring book*

*puts it on daughter's toy kitchen fridge*

@VancityReynolds: I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.

@LorieGZ: Found $12 bucks today!
Well, it was in my daughters purse, but I figure she owes me at least $50,000 by now.