@HonestToddler: Parents: It's unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you're not going to also let them pee next to parked cars.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BoozyMusic: My new cat, John Cena, wants me to remind y'all to never let your kids name your pets.
@stephanidek: [NYE] ME: *wearing 2017 glasses* OPTOMETRIST: *rubbing his temples* Stephanie your eyesight may be bad but you really only need one pair
@KevinFarzad: Yeah, cigarettes make you cool but they also take years off your life. Those are just two benefits.
@RichardDawkins: Don't ask God to cure cancer & world poverty. He's too busy finding you a parking space & fixing the weather for your barbecue.