@HonestToddler: Parents: It's unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you're not going to also let them pee next to parked cars.
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@theshantilly: Him: Sometimes you can be a little... loud. Me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I AM A DELICATE FLOWER
@pakalupapito: If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.
@runolgarun: *TSA officer opens my suitcase, disembodied fist pops out and punches him* me: sry sir I forgot I packed a powerful punch *TSA guns me down*
@aimlessamers: First date Me: when you said you were a WWF fanatic, I thought you meant Words with Friends Him:(in tights) YOU'RE GOING DOWN *flips table*