@GrantTanaka: parents, please remember to teach your children not to talk to strangers, you know how boring your children are
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@ItsAndyRyan: Convince neighbours you're shrinking by walking past their window with progressively larger jars of hellmann's mayonnaise.
@sssh_squirrel: I'm going to just start biting the faces of people that stand too close during a conversation.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Are you still tweeting about me being in labor? Me: Now I’m live tweeting “The Walking Dead.” Wife: Me: Everything isn’t about you.