@Steelers1972: Parents, raise your kids well, or they grow up to be like your coworkers.
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@tastefactory: I smoked e-cigs for so long that I got e-cancer. I'm ok though, I just swallowed a Norton Antivirus cd and it cleared things up.
@bonehugsnirony: A robot steals your job. It hurts, but that's how the economy works. Nothing personal. The robot starts texting your wife.
@iAmDelFreaky: I heard my cat walking down the hall because his claws are too long. Then I realized I hadn't taken off his tap shoes since the photo shoot.