@Steelers1972: Parents, raise your kids well, or they grow up to be like your coworkers.
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@Ms_Shazam: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.
@SortaBad: To impress a woman in the workplace, ignore her body and compliment her IDEAS. Example: Sharon it was a great idea to wear that tight skirt
@DanMentos: "You've reached 911" Knock knock "Sir ple-" Knock knock "This is not-" Knock knock "ok, who's there?" Ben "Ben who" Ben shot real bad "NICE"
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I love Instagram's new direct messaging feature because I've always thought, "If only this picture of someone's dinner was just for me."