@Steelers1972: Parents, raise your kids well, or they grow up to be like your coworkers.
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@E_lok44: The biggest problem with prison is that you can only rearrange your cell in so many ways because of where the toilet is.
@sacca: Anyone who says "Let's all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
@goldengateblond: I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.