@markhoppus: Parents, talk with your children about the importance of saving frequently so they won't have to restart at the beginning of the level.
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@Quartzjixler: A mother bear defending her cubs but it's me defending the fresh pan of bacon from other hotel guests at the breakfast buffet.
@gibbet: As I stood there looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself ............I'm gonna get thrown out of ikea in a minute..
@missokistic: Ayn Rand, Rand Paul and Paul Ryan walk into a bar. The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.
@KeetPotato: [my dog lays down on my date's lap instead of mine] date: "i had a good time tonight" me: "i think you need to leave"