@shariv67: Parents tell you their baby's weight because they have no other information. They can't say "Meet Jim, a free spirit who's into yodeling."
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@Steven37366100: Interviewer: You list excellent negotiator on your resume. Could you provide an example? Me: *slow winks, slides $5 across table* I’m hired
@theshamingofjay: Just realized why my Grandpa called his sideburns thigh ticklers Excuse me guys while I go walk in front of a bus
@JoshuaHvr: If you factor in "supply and demand"... she DOES NOT want the D. There is so much D trying to go around, not even the alphabet wants the D.
@doktorj: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and being tagged in a super unflattering photo."