@_PerziaN_: Parents that tell u "it's just a little noise" when their kid cries on a train are the same ones who knock on ur door when the music is loud
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@WilliamAder: A thing I learned at this week's staff meeting is that I have restless leg syndrome when I sleep.
@danjan13: Not a single one of my girlfriends has stuck around to see how many old school WWF finishing moves I know.
@KalvinMacleod: [driving test] INSTRUCTOR: first name? ME: Mike I: last? M: Arbrokedown I: Mike Arbrokedown? M: no problem let's use mine I: *crumples test*
@ArfMeasures: [Me as a boxing commentator] ME: Oh no, they're fighting again, this is just like last time