@Arbitral: Parents who are afraid that giving teenagers condoms will just ensure they have sex to use them have obviously never owned a bread maker.
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@cambuslad: You know you're getting old when you scroll down the birthday drop down menu ... And it starts going into Roman Numerals.
@Dr_awfulpants: I think my eyes are playing tricks on me. *my eyes hide a whoopie cushion behind my skull*
@truegritrumble: FRIEND: Did you hear there is some guy on the loose stealing puppies? ME: That's terrible! *my backpack starts barking*