@FunnyJokeBook: Parents: "Why don't you come socialize with the family?" Me: *sits with family* *gets insulted by entire family* *goes back to bedroom*
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@shahnischmani: I JUST CONSUMED SO MUCH SUGAR THAT I FEEL ALL SHOUTY IN MY HEAD AND CAPS LOCKY AND HOLY CRAP HOW DO PEOPLE DO ACTUAL DRUGS
@CoopSoSarc: Walking out the door, my daughter tells me she can't wait to see Ariel with the crabs. Now I'm questioning which section I bought that DVD.
@Nachos0verHoes: How can my mum hear me whisper something under my breath but can't hear me shout YEAHHHH from my room when she screams my name 10 times
@martinMmorrow: Am *I* rich? Ha. Well let's just say I told my Uber driver she could order something from Taco Bell too if she wanted.