@TheTweetOfGod: Paris is suing Fox News for repeatedly insulting it. Also suing them for the same reason: your intelligence.
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@TheHyyyype: CONDUCTOR: all aboard! ME: i'm pretty bored CONDUCTOR: no, i meant everyone on the train ME: oh, i'm sure they're bored too
@david8hughes: [leans over to kid watching Planet of the Apes in the theatre] Call them monkeys one more time & see what happens.
@IvoryGazelle: 8yo me: i wanta be a paleontologist when i grow up 28yo me: (sifting through cat litter) oh look, a quarter!