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@charlesromulus: Parts of a worm:
@TheBigBatman: her: psssssssst
GOD DAMN IT, MY BLOW UP DOLL HAS A PUNCTURE
@sumpeoplelikeit: The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes.
@SteveSuckington: Boss: Are you high?
Me: If I was high could I do this?
B: What? You aren't doing anything
M: sorry I'm super high. What was the question?
@VenisVal: Ab Muscles: You're having ANOTHER cookie?
Ab Muscles: You're just never planning on seeing us again?
@LuvPug: He was like, 'We're all slowly dying'
So I was like, 'WRONG'
and I threw him in front of a moving bus.