@Tormny_Pickeals: *passes thru suburbs* roll up ur window, son. this is a bad neighborhood. this is where ppl who comment on newspaper articles live
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@alispagnola: I just literally fell INSIDE a public toilet because I did too many squats earlier and couldn’t control my sitting down. This is the greatest proof I've ever had that fitness is not worth the struggle.
@im_not_smug: Coworker: That's a stupid song Me: Your face is stupid Coworker: Way to be mature Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!
@upsidedowntrash: WIFE: Why do you waste money on useless things? ME: [scraping the S and H off the side of my new School Bus] Maybe useless to you Sharon