@MacAnnabella: Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
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@baycontaco: I've started picking up dudes by walking into Starbucks and "accidentally" dropping my recipe for bacon tacos.
@Mr_Kapowski: Him: This house is perfect for us! Her: What about the kids? Him: You're right. We'll have to put them up for adoption
@ArfMeasures: [customs] "Passport?" *I lift up my bag & a severed head falls out* ME: OH NO OH GOD *still rummaging through bag* ME: I've forgotten it
@IamEveryDayPpl: In order to get my nephews up and ready for church in a timely manor, I told them we were going to Disneyland... They'll be SO surprised!