@MacAnnabella: Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
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@Book_Krazy: Hub: What's this? Me: A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in & I'm a little closer to freedom. Hub: *puts $100 in* Me:...
@TheDailySchmuck: I'm black but not " can't understand the Winter Olympics" black. Those guys in the ski race are running from cops on a bobsled, right?
@moose_chocolate: How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
@Mr_Kapowski: *on the karaoke mic* "I normally don't sing outside the shower so I hope you guys don't mind if I do this naked"