@ShawnIzadi: Password security questions be like: What's your middle name? Why are you single? What's wrong with your big toe?
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@SondraDeeMe: ME: What's this about? SECRET SERVICE: We can't tell you ME: I can take it SS: *whispers* Your parents didn't take your dog to a farm
@TheToddWilliams: Wife: I'm glad you're watching TLC and looking to improve yourself. So who are your new friends? Husband: These would be your Sister Wives
@hipchkk: Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone.
@novicefather: *writes employment history on arm *writes professional references on thigh *writes email address on neck *adds "resume" to resume