@Iaughing: Patrick: "Did you see my underwear?" Mindy: "No." Patrick: "Do you wanna?"
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@mrkoodge: *at an AA meeting* "Hi, I'm Andy and I have a drinking problem. I have 2 hands and only 1 mouth. Lol." *gets aggressively escorted out*
@ATorres2181: *walks in *wife is murdered *looks at mirror (Written in blood) YOUR NEXT "My next what? *from the closet "Oh sorry typo I meant you're.
@TheTrueDocLove: I'm bored I think I'll go to the mall, find a really good parking spot and sit there with my reverse lights on.
@Tmoney68: [Jews being led out of Egypt] Woman: *mumbles* 40 years? He couldn't just stop & ask directions? Moses: WHO SAID THAT? NO MANNA FOR YOU!