@brennadine: Pavlov's bell, but it's me reading an email that I think says winebar when it's actually webinar.
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@ericsshadow: 20 yr old mom: my child is my life I would give my own life for him 40 yr old mom: GET OFF THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW OR I WILL END YOU
@BruceForce: My gangsta career was brought to an abrupt and tragic end when my homies caught me sipping on a frappucino doing my taxes
@internetluke: If Christian Bale has never cancelled a date and said "sorry to Bale on you" then I don't think he is living life to the fullest.
@ArchiePeeler: Giving our 3-yr-old son the big news... Wife: We're having a baby! Son: Keep it in there. Me: Well, we can't -- Son: Keep. It. In.