@jergarl: Pay attention to your kids... Because one day he will stuff a sugar free gummy bear in your mouth that he rubbed on a cat.
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@BoogTweets: Me: *looks back at two sets of foot prints in the sand* Why didn’t you carry me back there? Jesus: You were stress eating during those times and got kind of umm… *holding arms out* you know… *puffs out cheeks*
@ArfMeasures: KID IN PARK [crying] I think my mum might of left me here ME: Oh no! WIFE: Talk to him ME: Hey, listen kid *kneels down* it's might HAVE
@Tierno158: I invented a game where people get so stoned they can barely walk & chase each other around the yard. It's called...wait for it: Hash Tag.