@jergarl: Pay attention to your kids... Because one day he will stuff a sugar free gummy bear in your mouth that he rubbed on a cat.
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@Heldinchains: My kid just said his dinner tasted like cat litter. Not sure if I should be offended or wonder how he knows what cat litter tastes like.
@MarfSalvador: Everybody always goes on about how Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back but they never mention how long his arms were
@RocketRankoon: I'm not afraid to run into an ex here. Her tweets would be all lame like 'my dog is cute' and mine would be all cool like 'I love you Susan'
@clemdytan: My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.