@ImaFlyontheWall: pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window..
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@lisaxy424: Cute skinny girls wearing weird mismatched clothes: hot quirky hipsters Me wearing weird mismatched clothes: homeless lady from the 80s
@3sunzzz: When you ask your waiter for an extra pickle, don't wink. It can easily be misinterpreted.
@GrowlyGrego: [at bar] "Yeah I pulled down a solid 6 figs last year." Whoa that's impressive! "I know, right! Can't believe I got fired by that fig farm."
@audipenny: I noticed that you're still staring at me after I already answered your question, what can we do to stop this