@hinnaz: Pee pressure > peer pressure
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@Rollinintheseat: When you're talking to someone with no teeth, you find out teeth are also a retaining wall for spit.
@RexHuppke: Just once I want to see a new parent post a baby photo on Facebook with the words: "Still not sure if we like it, tbh."
@Yankeegiant72: I like listening to Phil Collins in the shower. He gets creeped out when he sees me, though.
@QwertyJones3: INTERVIEWER: You worked in a NASCAR pit crew? How does that qualify you to work here at the Men's Wearhou *I've already changed his pants*