@timdonakowski: Pee your name in the snow and you'll quickly understand why they teach cursive in our schools.
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@CranalBeads: just when my neighbors think they know me, I sprint across their yard pushing a wheelbarrow full of hair
@WonderMonkey78: I love it when all my iPhone apps tremble in fear when I'm about to delete one of them. Makes me feel like God.
@BigBagOfScum: And this song would come on and all the white people would start having a group seizure. Me explaining the Harlem shake to my grand kids.
@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you. Your life flashes before your eyes: crappy jobs, breakups, Ren fairs. The werewolf gets depressed and goes home.