@joejwest: [on Mars] ASTRONAUT: An alien! MISSION CONTROL: Ok, so A: I choke slammed it MC: What? A: Another one! MC: DO NOT CH A: [choke slam noises]

@OhNoSheTwitnt: "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my Sven." -Kristoff

@my_bitz: So true for me

@HousewifeOfHell: TEXTING 101 ME: Hi College son: ME: How are you? CS: ME: Are you still alive? CS: ... CS: CS: ME: I can cut off your phone CS: Hi Ma love u

@hazelmotes1: "They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears