@frenchielaboozi: i can't believe i have to keep washing this stupid body until i die

@fluffysuse: My ex just asked if I want to go on holiday with him and my ex mother-in-law and now I don't need Twitter because I will never stop laughing

@therealeatwood: “…and silk so fine, Sire, that fools cannot even see it.” EMPEROR: So idiots can see through my clothes? That sounds completely acceptable.

@_Kim_Jongun: Someone in South Korea accused North Korea of having assassination squads. That's a lie. On an unrelated note, I need that guy's address.

@shutupmikeginn: Don't tell me I look tired unless you're offering to carry me