@noog: People act like weed is the worst thing for short-term memory. Go drink 15 beers and see if you can remember your name or how legs work.
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@KrunkedRobot: A kid at the park is wearing a Joker shirt, I am going to slowly take my coat off revealing my Batman T and shit is about to get real.
@BuckyIsotope: *being pulled away by security from flamingo pen at the zoo with a handful of pink feathers and a black eye* HE STARTED IT
@VerifiedJayy: My gf said "tie me up and do what you want" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar
@david8hughes: [son hands me a picture he painted] Me: what's this Son: it's our house Me: have you ever actually looked at our house