@jensrmk: People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!
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@evidentlyblonde: When people ask me "plz" because its shorter than "please".. I just tell them "no" because its shorter than "yes."
@SunshineJarboly: "Oh sure, they can eat their own poop, no problem. They just CAN'T eat chocolate. It'll kill them." - God inventing dogs.
@AmishPornStar1: According to some "experts" called "doctors"... You can wake up without a hangover if you don't drink the night before. Whatever.
@SICKOFWOLVES: PLEASE SEND HELP I STOPPED BUYING AVOCADOS AND NOW I AM DROWNING IN COINS AND KEYS TO VARIOUS PROPERTIES I OWN OH GOD IS THIS HOW I DIE