@_sleepysmile: People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it's because of all the placenta I've been eating.
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@NYC_Blonde: I told the barista my name was "Britney Spears" just for giggles and he handed me my coffee with "annoying white girl" written on it instead
@MUMSIEesq: Fun DIY Project Even YOU Can Do Step 1: Flip over empty wine bottle Step 2: Use base as weapon
@AristotlesNZ: Love how dog food commercials advertise tastier formulas like that matters when deciding what to buy & feed a pet who eats its own vomit.