@_sleepysmile: People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it's because of all the placenta I've been eating.
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@LittleHarmonica: I hate it when people think I'm staring when really I'm trying to kill them with my mind.
@karenphotog: My boss said "dress for the job you want, not for the job you have" Now I am sitting in a disciplinary meeting in my Wonder Woman costume.
@mjkspeaks: [hours after first date] HER: *on phone* yeah i went on the date but he was creepy. *i’m just sitting outside her bedroom window in shock*
@pleatedjeans: [tells friend cat passed away] Is there anything I can do? Yes [holds up fur coat] put this on & lie in my lap But I- [starts crying] OK OK