@_sleepysmile: People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it's because of all the placenta I've been eating.
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@mattingebretson: Whenever I see someone with a non-reusable water bottle I get a gun and shoot a nearby animal and say "you did that"
@LeonEarlgrey: So embarrassing when you compliment a lady on her large belly and it turns out she's just pregnant.
@simoncholland: I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.