@towelforacape: People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them.
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@robfee: Yelp is a great way to find out where garbage people will never eat again because one time a waitress forgot their honey mustard.
@Priscilla_YEAH: Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that's why he doesn't want to shake your hand".
@jannable9: Kate who dumped me at junior school now wants me to like her interior decorating Facebook page. How the tables have turned Kate.
@BlackCatBettie: What's faster than the speed of light? A female untagging herself from an unflattering photo.