@towelforacape: People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them.
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@Sarcasticsapien: Congratulations, "journalists" who tell celebrity gossip for a living. I didn't know you could get a degree in teenage girl.
@richardosman: My answer to the question "where would you most like to work?" is the same as to the question "what's your favourite dog?" Chocolate lab.
@daemonic3: Ok, milk... Check! Potato salad... Check! Tomatoes... Check! "Sir, can you wait for the total and just write one check please?"
@thatUPSdude: If you're buying your pregnancy test at the dollar store it's probably because he bought is his condoms there too.