@towelforacape: People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them.
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@Quartzjixler: Speed dating (Don't say anything embarrassing) "So do you ever eat raisins and then later poop rehydrated grapes?" (DAMMIT!)
@SortaBad: "President Clinton, can you respond to rumors of renewed infidelity?" The only woman in my life is my darling *squints at notecard* Hitlery
@Manda_like_wine: What's the proper salutation to use when writing a resignation letter to your children?