@adamrensch: People always say "Wow, your baby looks so much like you," as though it's supposed to defy genetics & look exactly like a coffee mug.
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@Instinctivetip: [marriage counselling] Her: he always thinks he's talking to me on CB radio Me: I don't, over Her: It's over Me: It's what? Over
@KellieMounce: Worst part of my old job was drug screenings. Had to tell a guy he was pregnant. Lesson: don't use your girlfriend's urine for testing.
@Donna_McCoy: [first date] Him: *dips chip into salsa rather than scooping* Me: *gets up and leaves* (...comes back, grabs salsa bowl, leaves for real)