@JessObsess: People always tell me to act my age so I bought expensive cheese.
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@DaddyJew: Legend has it that if you don't look a coworker in the eye they won't stop to tell you about their weekend.
@aveuaskew: It isn't a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way.
@ramblinma: Some days having kids makes it all worthwhile. I haven't experienced any yet, but statistically they're bound to happen at some point.
@DirtMcTurd: Any shampoo can be volume control shampoo if you cram the bottle directly into your kids mouth