@ComedicBust: People are always coming up to me and asking me, "How'd you do it? What's your secret? How'd you gain so much weight so fast?"
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@jonnysun: TREE: [sees christmas tree thru window] who dose he think he is. all dressed up. too good to be outside ANOTHER TREE: be nice, he is dying
@markydoodoo: Guys if ur drinking tonight please remember this; u can always use a frozen hot dog if u run out of ice. Ok stay safe & keep it real.
@iQuoteComedy: Girl: "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Guy: "Both, now get in the van."