@ComedicBust: People are always coming up to me and asking me, "How'd you do it? What's your secret? How'd you gain so much weight so fast?"
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@AndrewNadeau0: VILLAIN: *Stroking cat* I've been expec- BOND: OMG your kitty is so cute! Can I pet him?! V:*Whining* Tiiim, you said this was intimidating!
@WheelTod: [First Date] Me: "I'm sorry. It's just that I've been burned before." *Stuffs handful of fries through visor in hazmat suit *Closes visor
@jensenmarie_: Going to dress up as a Jedi today and open automatic doors for people with the force. NO YOU GET A LIFE.
@topaz_kell: [talking to myself in the mirror] "You will not be awkward today." Person: "Hey" Me: "Good. How are you?"