@jwoodham: People are always impressed to hear that I graduated from Harvard at 16, but you can do anything you set your mind to if you just lie.
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@KarenKilgariff: Watch The Walking Dead with someone who's super into it so every time a zombie appears you can pull the old, "Wait, who's this now?"
@PaulyPeligroso: My mind's telling me "No!" But my body, my body's telling me "There's that chicken salad in the fridge."
@skickwriter: I'm beginning to think the dark circles that appeared under my eyes in 2008 may not go away.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [At a bank using a 4 color ball point pen] *scrawls on napkin* *Red* Put [click] *Green* $$$ [click] *Black* In [click] *Blue* Bag [click]