@Ameiam: People are always like "you're so crazy" and I'm all like "please take off the restraints, I promise I won't do it again".
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@huntigula: [Anteater eats some termites] [looks up to heaven] "YOU DON'T CONTROL ME, GOD! YOU HEAR ME? I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU NAMED ME!"
@ericsshadow: My son is so lazy he's went from playing video games on the computer to watching other people play video games on the computer.
@NotthatAdamWest: On this day in 1969, the 1st episode of Scooby Doo appeared on TV, beginning a golden age of teenagers getting high in the back of vans.
@TheDinky: If a mugger ever asks me to draw an uppercase cursive Q or he'll shoot, tell my family I died a hero... #hero #cootertales