@BigPlanetEarth: People are like books. You can't judge them by the outside and it's not cool to burn a big pile of them.
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@dreamthievin: If I have 5 apples and I give you 2 of them, just take the other 3 cause I'm going out for tacos
@MattMcC1: in canada if you pat your pockets to show a hobo that you have no change and he hears your keys jingle, you have to give him your house.
@behindyourback: If you're afraid of public speaking, just imagine everyone in the audience is on their phones not listening to you anyway.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [magicians backstage] don't panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half