@ConcernedSirGuy: People are like, "How cute! Your dog looks just like you!" I'm like, "That's my son."
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@pakalupapito: roses r red violets r blue sunflowers r yellow i bet u were expecting someting romantic but no this is just gardening facts
@DrakeJoshQuotez: Josh: [after he spills root beer on the TV and ruins it] I drink root beer. You don't see me explodin'!
@NYC_Blonde: I told the barista my name was "Britney Spears" just for giggles and he handed me my coffee with "annoying white girl" written on it instead