@ConcernedSirGuy: People are like, "How cute! Your dog looks just like you!" I'm like, "That's my son."
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@samalmightysam: I don't like to brag about going to expensive places, but I just went to the gas station.
@daemonic3: Here you go, Merry Christmas! "Dad, why'd you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?" Because I wanted to make- Mom: NO DON'T My presents felt
@JCWisdomNuggets: "Paper or pl.." ..astic! OMG we finish each other's sentences! You complete mmmm... "I'm not saying 'me'" ME! OMG we did it again! "..."