@thejessbess: People are like, "Jess, can you give me some advice?" & I'm like, "K, don't get kidnapped."
@Bryainiac: I don't know why they are called smart phones, I dropped mine in the toilet and it didn't even try to get out.
@sixfootcandy: My waxer just told me a hilarious story about ripping out a client's tampon during a bikini wax. I guess she doesn't remember me.
@PerfectPending: I don't envy mama birds for how they have to feed their babies, but the pushing them out of the nest part sounds fun.
@lazy_joe_: Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby All right stop, Collaborate and listen This frozen baby needs to see a physician
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