@sgrstk: People are like plastic bags: Some are meant to fly, some have holes — but are still useful — and, well, others are full of dog shit.
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@Six_Pack_Mom: "Oh, we're going for a 2 minute car ride? Let me just gather all of my worldly possessions and get a little naked first. Oh, & hide your keys." -3 year olds.
@CrazyClarine: After Paris my Airbnb host tried to say I stained her sheets & headboard w/ hair dye, but the gag is I don't wear hair to bed.
@the_paramedicK: *proposes to girlfriend* *accidentally drops ring in the street* "I'll still marry you" Sorry, I'm married to the streets now
@3sunzzz: [sips martini] *sigh* [sips margarita] Now THIS ONE is delicious! Waiter: Ma'am, you can't try drinks on other tables. Please sit down.