@sgrstk: People are like plastic bags: Some are meant to fly, some have holes — but are still useful — and, well, others are full of dog shit.
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@GrantTanaka: coworker: [talking about having children] me: aww man I can't have children coworker: why me: because I hate them
@kelkulus: I like how Subway sells "healthy footlong" sandwiches, as if anything is healthy when you're eating it by the foot.
@Diversion50: BUZZ ALDRIN: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with E. NEIL ARMSTRONG: Earth? BUZZ: Nope *5 minutes silence* BUZZ: OK, yep.