@KevinFarzad: People are often shocked when I tell them I'm single because I scream it at them while sliding open their shower curtain.
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@Maxine12333: The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
@venomjunkie2: I keep a banana in my pocket just in case, because I’m really not glad to see anybody.
@better_off_dad: Her: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Me: *puts naked Barbie away. 'It's not VooDoo if that's what you think! Her:Freak! Me:Did you feel--anything?
@NicestHippo: [high school sex ed class] *scoffs* When are we ever going to use this in real life