@KevinFarzad: People are often shocked when I tell them I'm single because I scream it at them while sliding open their shower curtain.
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@Weird_Rash: List of food it’s okay to eat with your hands: - corn on the cob - chicken wings - ribs - hamburgers - spaghetti at your in-laws
@SweetTweetsBRO: I love when I'm walking closely behind a girl and she starts to speed walk away. It's like she knew I wanted to race all along.
@ChrisScarlette: *i put two straws in my drink* gf: awhh :) me: hell ya double barrel *i use both straws*
@cosmicbibi: My hobbies include humming the Jurassic Park theme song to my chickens, to make them feel more in touch with their ancestors.