@MarkAgee: People are shitting on gorilla kid's mom for not watching. My mom had three kids under 5. I could've run a terrorist cell outta my treehouse
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@bridger_w: OK, Gravity wasn't very realistic. First of all, and I checked this, Sandra Bullock -- not an astronaut
@Supafunkadunka: Women my age expect a man to have his shit together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
@jwoodham: BREAKING: Man arrested for owning a waterbed. Police reported that "it's not really illegal, but a waterbed in 2014? That's just creepy."
@Reverend_Scott: How to end an interview: 1. Thank them for their time. 2. Shake their hand firmly. 3. Firmer. 4. Firmer yet. 5. BREAK HIS HAND YOU MUST WIN