@MarkAgee: People are shitting on gorilla kid's mom for not watching. My mom had three kids under 5. I could've run a terrorist cell outta my treehouse
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@Donna_McCoy: "I hate seeing you like this," she thought every time she encountered anyone over the course of the day.
@astutenewf: I wonder if when my dog follows me into the bathroom it's cause I follow him outside when he goes and he thinks that's how it works. Meh.
@Robski_Boy: If I reach 700 followers, I'm gonna tweet naked for the next hour. Won't do much for you guys, but it'll certainly liven up Starbucks.
@Book_Krazy: Dawn's coming over. "Dawn from work, or crazy Dawn?" *Dawn walks in* "WELL WELL WELL, if it isn't the lady I'm framing for murder.