@Jason_Horton: People are so fake how can you love your newborn baby when you met it like 2 minutes ago and don't know anything about it
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@CockSnake: Girlfriend: "I'm pregnant" Me: "Really? Thats great." GF: "April Fo--" *I'm already on a plane to a non extradition country*
@Dutch_50: Whenever I see a bruise on a banana my first thought is pity, but then I think it probably deserved it because I slipped on a peel once.
@Sassafrantz: If you go to the zoo and he doesn't help you steal a monkey, he's not that into you.
@jimmytorosian: *Rubs lamp* *Nothing happens* Where's the genie? *Takes off lampshade* What's wrong with this thing?