@FilthyRichmond: People are so nosy, always asking me what I just injected into their neck. Don't worry about it!
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@abhorrent_wife: I don't always try to use big words but when I do, I accidentally tell a mother her toddler was a necrophiliac today instead of narcoleptic.
@milkin_hunnies: "What kind of dog is this?" "Well actu.." "Hes cute" *pets it* "Sir thats my.." *picks it up* "Your a good dog arent you?" "PUT MY SON DOWN"
@pseudofauxme: My tombstone will just say "Deactivated." I want people to be afraid that I could come back.
@LizHackett: If a bear confronts you in the woods, make it go away by handing it a flyer for your boyfriend's band's show.