@Jesssicle: People are writing condolences on my Grandma's Facebook that sound more like Yelp reviews of her. Great woman, very loving, 5/5 stars
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@dafloydsta: [job interview] "Any weaknesses?" I pick fights for no reason "Can you explain?" *leans in way too close* Are we gonna have a problem?
@TheTweetOfGod: Everyone in "Star Wars". Everyone in "The Muppets". Everyone in "Game of Thrones". This is now the first tweet with over 140 characters.
@Book_Krazy: Mike said he's breaking up w/ u cause you're not very smart & u have issues Me: OMG I DO NOT HAVE HIS SHOES WE DONT EVEN WEAR THE SAME SIZE