@adamjest: People ask me questions like I'm listening
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@MariyaAlexander: Life hack: ask telemarketers and phone scammers to go steady seconds into the conversation and never be bothered again OR now you found love
@briangaar: Me: Honey, are you awake? [wife rustles] Hmmm? Me: When we were fighting & you said "Wolverine's powers suck," did you really mean that
@OneTrickTofani: "GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL" "Sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse" "Oh rad bring it in"