@adamjest: People ask me questions like I'm listening
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@dhumann: You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you've sighed six or seven times.
@longwall26: One day, some dude was all "You know where we should save our money? Inside a statue of a pig," and everybody went "That is a GREAT idea."
@MollySneed: [tv announcer] Are you bloated? Tired? Unable to enjoy the activities you once loved? [me with mouthful of chips] YEAH