@specialhug: People ask me the secret of a good tweet. It's called "proof-reading". Perhaps you've hard of it
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@michaelianblack: If we all just agree that we're fine, we'll never again have to ask each other how we are.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at Victoria's Secret] *folding panties on table* "Sir, where are the fitting rooms?" Oh, I don't work here. *continues folding panties*
@ElleOhHell: Roses are red violets are blue celery is green bees are black and yellow please help me I can't stop pumpkins are orange satan is vermillion
@PeachCoffin: *admires David at the museum* I can't believe a teenage mutant ninja turtle sculpted this