@specialhug: People ask me the secret of a good tweet. It's called "proof-reading". Perhaps you've hard of it
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@Chumpstring: [job interview] INTERVIEWER: what can you tell me about the last three years of your life ME: just that i hope they haven't started yet
@UncleDuke1969: Me: I have NO drafts! Wife: *opens window* Me: ... Wife: *opens door* Me: ... Wife: That better? Me: I should have married your sister.
@HatfieldAnne: Did I tell you about the time I knocked down a kid with my bag on purpose? No? One time I knocked down a kid with my bag on purpose.