@DanRegans: People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
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@64spoons: Call me a hoarder if you want but don't come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
@That_Damn_Duck: You block or unfollow me because I follow or retweet someone you don’t like. Kindergarten called & said you left your maturity level there.
@midnightwhale: [walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire] it's alright guys i got this one. *whips out a flamethrower* TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-