@JElvisWeinstein: People belittle the internet "talking about a dress" as if we're busy solving problems otherwise.
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@internetluke: [showing my family to coworker] This is a picture of my daughter & my cat. Mittens & Jack. "You named your daughter Jack?" Nope, mittens
@weinerdog4life: I like to push the "stop time" button on the microwave and walk around in slow motion until my wife calls me an idiot.
@dubstep4dads: i bet the first guy to say "smooth as a babies bottom" wasnt the most respected man in the community