@JElvisWeinstein: People belittle the internet "talking about a dress" as if we're busy solving problems otherwise.
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@Kim_pulsive: I plan to scary-haunt anyone who says "she wouldn't want us to be sad" at my funeral. If you're not sad that I'm gone forever you deserve it
@Parkerlawyer: Text to Hubs: If it's not too much trouble can you get me a bottle of wine and a fuzzy blanket? Hubs: You're literally sitting next to me.
@sandjoeman: I love when people tell me they'll "see me in hell" as if I'm not gonna weasel my way out of those plans too.
@KeetPotato: honey, i think the milk's gone bad "i only bought it yesterday" yeah well, look at this.. *milk is running a meth lab in the fridge*