@Raphaelite_Girl: When the bell on your bus doesn't work...

@FSUSteve: I'm ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.

@bridger_w: Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair

@murrman5: [roommate hears me come in] "how was the date?" [face sucked back and teeth showing like im skydiving] apparently, I'm allergic to shellfish

@BryMastas: Someday, I wish Twitter will come up with a new & useful feature for once, like a sarcasm indicator for the ones who never get it.