@envydatropic: People don't make your heart skip a beat. Medical conditions do. Idiots.
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@novicefather: Shoutout to that one time I confused narcolepsy and necrophilia during a job interview.
@trojansauce: KID: are you sure this will work? ME: *holding a fishing rod with a peppermint attached* do you want a new grandpa or not?
@desusnice: someone using bare hands to put salad on a plate is letting you know they're not here for discussions about etiquette or anything really
@AnOrangeSNES: [1st Date] (Okay, don't let her know you're addicted to eating fruit) Me: This is good [2nd Date] [3rd Date] [4th Date] [5th Date] Her: Stop