@Shanehasabeard: There's a lady at work named Lillian Llewellyn who carries a briefcase and I like to imagine it falling open and spilling a bunch of L's

@MoistPork: There's no "I" in meat, but there's "me" and "eat", and I don't know how vegans can argue with that logic.

@ceejoyner: Using spin moves while allowing an opponent's sword to narrowly miss your head forces them to add majestic layers and volume to your hair.

@AnissaClingman: My brother & I've competed for title of family black sheep for yrs. He checked in at a strip-club...on FB. Well played brother, well played

@DiabeetusNurse: This chic on Facebook said she ran 17 miles yesterday. Where I live the police would have gave up after like, IDK, 6 miles maybe.