@envydatropic: People don't make your heart skip a beat. Medical conditions do. Idiots.
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@bridger_w: Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
@murrman5: [roommate hears me come in] "how was the date?" [face sucked back and teeth showing like im skydiving] apparently, I'm allergic to shellfish