@mrjohntofu: People find one band-aid and suddenly no one wants anymore of my homemade salsa.
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@rebeccaheckyea: 2 cats smoke catnip and lay around, discussing Plato's Allegory of the Cave. "What if the laser pointer is just a projection?"
@ruinedpicnic: me: maybe those nazi salutes... we're just them reaching for the stars... McDonald's manager: this is the fastest I've ever fired someone
@demented_Ash: Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with a car, Throw you off a street so high, Hope you break your neck and die.
@Thereeveryday: The 4 stage of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus 3. You are Santa Clause 4. You look like Santa Claus