@WhatevaConc: People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@meat_tornado_: write your suicide note in frosting on a cake so no one can eat it and people will still hate you even though you are dead
@JJSummertime: If I had 3 wishes I'd spend them on my daughter. Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll.
@YesitsAl: Wife thinks I was present for every conversation she's had with anyone, ever, and assumes I know what the hell she's talking about right now