@WhatevaConc: People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RobDenBleyker: If a woman asks you to guess her age, always subtract 10 years from your estimate. IMPORTANT: Do NOT do this if she's in her early twenties.
@sickipediabot: So Harry Potter gets an invisibility cloak.. Does he sneak in and watch Hermione getting changed? No, he goes to the library
@michaelianblack: Ted Cruz thinks: 1. Presidents should pray every day 2. More prayers the better 3. Muslims pray 5x day 4. Ted Cruz wants a Muslim president.
@Eagle_Vision: When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.