@WhatevaConc: People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille.
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@schumoo: "20 McNuggets for $5? That's like a quarter a nugget!" I exclaimed, hoping that my dinner date would be impressed with my math skills.
@ItsAndyRyan: Producer: Any ideas? Bruce Willis: There are 4 elements, right? Producer: Go on... Bruce: What if there was a FIFTH element Producer: Great! What else? Bruce: You know there are five senses... Half an hour later Bruce: So what if there TWELVE monkeys?
@nevels_kendyle: Guy in restaurant: Mam, are u ok? Are u choking? Me: *wipes off drool & removes a cherry stem from my mouth that's not tied in a knot*
@TheSwanDon: So my dad was all "stop eating my pills" and then I was like "stop melting into the floor and spinning multi colored webs you talking lamp"