@WhatevaConc: People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille.
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@Beatonm5: perfume should come with instructions like on medicine: Dab LIGHTLY on pulse points Do NOT marinade in event of overdose take shower
@TheMichaelRock: 8yo: can you tell me a story? Me: sure. Your mom and I get ice cream after you go to bed every night. 8yo: WHAT?! Me: goodnight, buddy.