@WhatevaConc: People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille.
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@ThisOneSayz: First grade math makes no sense. I mean, who really buys 34 oranges and 21 apples in one day?!
@KeetPotato: [lookin in bushes for our baby] me: where the hell can he be? dog: roof roof roof me: will you shut up [baby waves at the dog from the roof]