@Playing_Dad: People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
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@grammar_c**t: Does anyone know the difference between an elk and a deer?nnCos I think I just ran over a cyclist.
@Sanbel11: Do you know that horrible feeling of guilt when you eat all your kids candy? Me neither.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: If I have $45 and your mother has $15, how much money does your mom have? 6yo: $60 Me: That's correct, son.
@GlennyRodge: "My dog's learning to speak a foreign language." "Español?" "No, he's a labrador."