@Home_Halfway: People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I'm not expecting them to be practical
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@stephenjmolloy: [Quiz show] Host: "Stephen that is the... CORRECT ANSWER!!" Me: "Oh my. I can't believe it!" Host: "Congratulations! You have won Who Wants to Win a Million Bears!" Me: "This is amaz- what did you just say?"
@jergarl: 8: Daddy can we go to a haunted house tonight? Me: You spent the night at Grandmas last week. 8: What? Me: Nothing. 8: I'm telling mom.
@LostAtCollege: Emailing professors be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: “sure” -sent from my iPhone
@BradBroaddus: My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.